The Slingshot

Unbelievable! So there's this crazy ride, or attraction, I'm not sure what to call it, in Orlando, called The Slingshot. And it's just what it sounds like. You are the rock in the webbing of a real slingshot. Folks, this thing is huge. You wouldn't believe it if I didn't show you pictures. The two forks of the slingshot extend 300 feet into the air. Through the innovative use of a bank of springs, you are launched at a very high velocity. You land somewhere near Cape Canaveral, I think. We're still looking for Lindsay and Sarah. Yes! My two timid girls, the ones you would never think would get on something like this, begged and pleaded to get on. I have multiple shots below showing them being launched (you can see them all on Facebook). I just hope we find Sarah prior to leaving on Wednesday or she will be in big trouble at school.

Bahama Breeze and Blue Men

We did a deal with Hilton: for an hour of our time, they would give us a continental breakfast and a discount on four tickets to see some men who shave their heads and paint themselves with blue paint. I've never seen men painted in blue outside of Lavell Edwards Stadium so it seemed like a good deal. The hour turned into an hour and half, and the breakfast was pretty low-budget, but it was a pretty low-key affair.

We were going to go to an outlet mall but the traffic was so bad we only advanced 1 mile in 1/2 hour, so we turned around and went to a place called Bahama Breeze. We had yummy drinks, and I ordered their special which was shrimp cooked with bacon, garlic butter, mushrooms, and hollandaise sauce, on a bed of cheesy grits. I wasn't so sure about the grits but the server assured me it was good, and it was. We were all too stuffed to eat dessert but we ordered anyway and just brought it home. I had this chocolate cake thing with a gooey chocolate center, topped with butterscotch, rasberry (which I left off), and whipped cream. I shouldn't need to eat again for several days.

All Fogged Up

So I woke up at 2:30 a.m. this morning (nothing unusual for me). I've just been in a weird sleep pattern for months. I typically get up and go sit in my recliner, which seems to help with the back pain I often experience. I record certain programs to watch when I get up since there's not much on at 2:30 in the morning besides vacuum cleaner, vitamin, and cooking device commercials. Maybe I should pay a little more for some better channels.

Our shades have all been taken down from our bedroom windows due to serial failure of the roller mechanisms. We probably need to put some sheets over the windows or something till we get new window treatments. Anyways, with nothing covering the windows, I could see outside in three directions. Check that, I COULDN'T see outside in any direction. There was this incredibly dense fog! How strange for this time of the year, especially when it was below freezing, I thought to myself.

So I stumbled into the bathroom to find a water bottle, attempting to soothe my parched throat. That's when I realized this fog was so thick, it was even inside the house! Now, I don't think too clearly at 2:30 in the morning. It's just all I can do to get Judge Judy or Dragnet reruns working. But even in this stupor of thought it seemed strange to me to have fog inside the house. Did we leave a door open? Is the fog coming from outside into the house, or is it being created inside the house and fogging up the whole neighborhood? Has my new protein skimmer on the aquarium gone crazy? Is this the reason the fridge went on the blink this weekend? See what my engineer brain conjures up? Folks, I deal with this all the time. It's a real burden.

Not to worry, though, without much more delay I was able to go through just a few more scenarios in my mind before coming across the real answer: I had fallen asleep with my contacts in, and I guess with closed eyes and no blinking, they fogged up. Popped them out and I was back to sleep in about 17 milliseconds. Judge Judy and Sergeant Friday will have to wait another day.

22 Million Emails--Found!

News flash! It has just been reported that the 22 million Whitehouse emails, missing since President George W. Bush left office, have been found!

"I was just cleaning", said Shelly O'bama, "and I pulled out this moldy box from under the bed, and there they were.

"I'm sure that woman must not have cleaned under the bed the whole time she lived here" said O'bama, eyes flashing. "How can people live like this?"

"It's a monumental task" to go through all these emails, according to newly established Federal Bureau of Emails (FBE) spokesperson Billy Gates, "but we're determined to read each and every one. Who knows what we'll find?" While not returning phone calls, we have inside information that several late night talk show hosts have been contacted by FBE officials to help sort through the rubble.

Many have likened this discovery to that of uncovering a lost civilization. Others say it's more like burrowing into a modern garbage dump. In either case, one thing is clear: liberals everywhere should be able to sleep better now.

Angels In The ER

As I was trudging through the airport on my way to Corpus this week, this book caught my eye. I rarely buy books in the airport because they are so expensive there, but I really needed something to read and this one looked intriguing. I highly recommend it! It's easy reading, and in fact I had finished it before my 2-day trip to Texas was over. But it's filled with great stories of real-life situations in the emergency room. Nothing yucky--it's not about the injuries, it's about human drama and the human condition as seen through the eyes of a sensitive and spiritual-minded doctor. I'm not saying it's going to win a Pulitzer, but it is very thought-provoking.

The place where I bought the book had a nice offer--return the book within six months and they'll buy it back at 50 cents on the dollar. But this is one I probably won't return--I think I'll keep it in my library for you to read when you're here!

Heard in Testimony Meeting

Always fun to listen to children in testimony meeting. Today I heard two amusing comments: 1) "And I love daddy, because I have to"--Sierra, and 2) "I know it took millions of people to build the Nauvoo temple"--Brooke. One never stops learning in the church!

Pinus Edulis

Growing up in Nuevo Mexico, one of life's simple pleasures was snacking on piñons. Piñons (pronounced pin-yawns) are a particular variety of pine nut, with a very distinctive flavor, and in my opinion, the New Mexico variety are the very best in the world.

Pine nuts are kind of like sunflower seeds in that they are very addictive. Once you start eating them it's hard to stop. But they take about 10 times longer to shell than a sunflower seed, and you have to work really hard to ensure no shell remains with the meat, so many people don't have the patience to endure a healthy piñon habit.

When I was in Utah a couple of weeks ago, I was very excited when I saw a street vendor selling baggies of pine nuts. I shelled out eight bucks for a 1/2 pound. When I got them home, I realized they weren't roasted. So I popped them in the oven for about 1/2 hour. But when I tried them, they were...well...ok, but not great. You see, they were just pine nuts, they weren't New Mexico piñons. Rats!

So you can imagine my excitement when a birthday package arrived from my sis Rebecca, containing a baggy of roasted NM piñons. Yipee! I'm snackin' out on these. They are so good!

What Color is RhinoVirus?

When I went to the urgent care clinic last week, the nurse had a series of questions for me. You know, the usual embarassing stuff.
Nurse: How much do you weigh?
Answer: Sigh.
Nurse: How tall are you?
Answer: Same as when I was here last time.
Nurse: Why are you here?
Answer: Because I'm sick.
Nurse: What are your symptoms?
Answer: (cough, sneeze, hack) I have a cold.
Nurse: Is your nose running?
Answer: Uh, yeah (sniff)
Nurse: What color is it?
Answer: My nose?
Nurse: No, the stuff running out of your nose.
Answer? Can't you see it?
Nurse? No, you keep blowing it before I can get a good look.

At this point I'm wondering what school this nurse went to, if she has to ask what color my nasal discharge is. Same color as everyone else's, I suppose. I don't know! Am I supposed to look inside my used tissues?

Answer: I don't know, I'm partially color-blind.
Nurse: The doctor's going to have trouble helping you if you don't cooperate.
Answer: Tell you what, just give me a cherry-flavored placebo and I'll be on my way.
Nurse: Now we're getting somewhere. $30 co-pay, please. And just get some over-the-counter cough drops, they're actually better-tasting than anything we have around here.

In the interest of helping this nurse, who I am sure was just doing her job, I include above an actual photo of a typical rhinovirus particle. I hope it will help her diagnose others in the future.