The Iron Raccoon

Sarah: Hey, something smells really bad in my closet.
Lisa: Let's go get a ladder and check it out.
Sarah: Dad, where's the ladder?
Rich: In the garage.
Sarah: (gives Rich the hairy eyeball--she doesn't want to have to go get it)
Lisa: Rich, come see if you smell anything.
Rich: What? (thinks to himself: what a lovely family activity)
Rich: Ooooh, that's bad. You have a dead animal in here.
Sarah: See, I told you. But that's not what's making that noise...?
Rich: Right. Dead animals don't make any noise. (Sarah starts to snicker)
Rich: You'll have to take everything out to find it.
Sarah: What?
Rich: You heard me.
Lisa: I don't smell anything. (Sarah is in a state of disbelief)
Rich: Then maybe you should be the one to take everything out.
At this point, Sarah is laughing. Rich starts to laugh also. The laughter gets out of control.
Rich: It's probably a dead raccoon.
Sarah: What?
Rich: That got in through the basement door that was left open all night.
Sarah: What? Is that why the alarm wouldn't set last night?
Rich: (more hysterical laughter) Maybe. (tears are flowing)
Sarah: How long has it been open?
Rich: (almost unable to communicate through the laughter and tears) I'm sure it hasn't been open more than two weeks.
Sarah: Why didn't you close it last night?
Rich: I knew I was safe now that you guys are back home from Utah.
Lisa: (gives Rich the hairy eyeball) You guys are bad.
Rich: Wow, what is that smell? Oh, is that your iron? (Sarah is about to fall off the bed from laughing so much) Just kidding, I don't smell a thing (runs away as Lisa is about to throw the hot iron at him)